Wednesday, September 24, 2008

So Sorry Little Lamb

In a stunning piece of legal literature, the Michigan Court of Appeals has finally answered that question nagging so many sexual predators out there: Is that soft woolly form so beloved on Old McDonald's farm considered an "individual" under Michigan law?

Um ... No.

The opinion, released just yesterday for publication, includes the dictionary definition of "individual" as a "single human being" or "person," along with a claim that the definition of "victim" from the Crime Victims' Rights Act is "an individual" capable of having a spouse or guardian and the panel of three's leap of legal analysis, "Only human beings are able to marry and have spouses." [Note to self: apparently gay men and women are not considered human beings in Michigan either.]

The purpose of this decision? To determine whether a defendant convicted of an “abominable and detestable crime against nature” with a sheep, i.e., bestiality boys and girls, should be required to register as a sex offender. The answer, unfortunately, is also ... No.

Now, I understand the reasoning of the panel and the need to following the law as written; however, the thought that individuals showing such a willingness to harm animals in this way, a way that demonstrates their sexual depravity and violent, sexual predatory natures, are not required to register as sexual offenders rings wrong.

Mary had a little lamb ... run little lamb, RUN!!


  1. How will the sheep know who to avoid?

  2. The same way women do ... a hand lingering a little too long, a constant shifting to keep his body behind yours, that seeming inability to comprehend the word "Nooooooo" or in sheep terms "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"