Saturday, June 8, 2013

The Difference in a Day

It does not escape my attention that in the course of 24-48 hours, I've gone from encouraging someone to be that smile for another, that kind word to make someone's day, to openly cackling at a stranger who called me evil.

I suppose the lesson to learn is that while I strive to be one, life often finds me failing.  Miserably.

I strive to be social.  But God, I loved having today completely to myself.  I cleaned (not something I generally enjoy but often cathartic).  I walked 500 miles ... okay, nearly six, and there was wine and beer in the middle but still ....  I finished a book (the end of the Sookie Stackhouse era).  I shopped.  I cooked for myself.  Watched what I wanted when I wanted.  I strive to be social but am, in my heart, a selfish hermitess.

I strive to be kind but, damn, people piss me off.  The title of this blog came from a long-standing greeting that I have with my siblings:  "Have I told you lately how much I hate people?"  I probably made the wise choice to end it after "lately", eh.  Again, selfish hermitess.

I strive to be good but find that our definitions of good (yes, plural, there are many definitions of good in our culture) vary to such a degree that I'll always disappoint one faction or another.  I'd love to live simply by my Dad's motto of "You can't worry about that shit" (where's that t-shirt), but I'm pretty sure if we coded Mom's DNA, we'd find the original strand, original group of genes that, combined, form the perfect storm of continual apology and "oye vey" chant.

I strive to be funny and ... yeah, I mostly succeed at that, at least in my own mind.

So I strive and I fail ... comically.

I can live with that.

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