Cancer Journey, My Ass

Forgive me, reader, my mind is all over the place this morning.

Last Friday was my 3rd AC chemotherapy infusion.  [The AC refers to the two drugs I receive, commonly shorthanded as AC, but I think of them as the red mutherf##### and the one after.]  Everything went smoothly. My stepmom was up again overnight and then one of my sisters came up Friday.  I mentioned before that Saturday is my eye of the chemo storm?  I felt good enough Saturday to head into Planet Fitness for the first time in months and get my treadmill/water massage table game on. 

And it felt good.  Sunday ... not so much.  Monday, meh.  Tuesday, come one!

Wednesday, yesterday ... I hit my limit.

I was supposed to be feeling BETTER by then.  But I didn't.  My breakfast sandwich didn't sit well.  My Chinese buffet lunch (yeah, yeah, I know) certainly didn't sit well.  And then a pressure point massage at my chiropractor nearly had me unconscious.  As in passed out.

As in "FINE ... UNCLE!  I give, I give!"

I had a bad day. *shrug*

It happens.

But do you know what else happened in those 24 hours?

I wore my Princess Leia wig (gift from Jenna) with my Hogwarts fleece to have dinner Tuesday night with a dear friend, Tisha, who ....

.... gave me this AWESOME CAP!!! Honestly ... I have a Yoda cap made by Sara Makes Hats (seriously, check her out, she's fabulous).  Pretty sure life is complete.  But wait, there's more ...

Culver's commented on my Facebook link to Robin's post:

Culver's is good people. 

          And then ...

I got to work on that ill-feeling Wednesday to find an HD DVD of one of my lovely friend Robin's last big trials so that I can watch her in her element anytime I want - all courtesy of my friend/coworker Dan (imagine, if you will, Grumpy Cat in human prosecuting form with a hidden post-Christmas Grinch heart - that's Dan).  Meanwhile, a sympathy card from my best college friend Amy waited for me in the mail. I've got such good people!

When I called it a day ... when I gave in and told my boss I needed to head home, I rounded the corner to pick up my coat and found a package sitting on my office chair.  I was nearly at my emotional limit already and found this inside:

Well, shit.  I give, people! I closed my office door and had a good cry.  I try to be tough (as my Daddy would urge), I try to lock this shit down, but couple me with some nausea, innards rumbling, bald bloatedness, and fatigue, shake me around with all sorts of kindness and support and I'm ...

Well ... I'm a mess.  Oh, I'm a badass as well.  But at that moment, I was simply a mess. 

I took the time to stop in and leak all over the sender (Laura) then headed home.

Home.  Where I found another package waiting for me ...

... containing the fruitiest brightest leggings I've every seen!  And extra points for the guffaw that "tall" gave me.  Emily is one of my little sister's friends.  Different than my little sister's friends who sent me the beautiful flowers post surgery.  [Lil sis has excellent taste in friends.]

Well, you can imagine the water works started all over again.  I was a delicate flower last night.

I delicate fruity flower.

I really can't thank you all enough.  You're making this shit bearable.  I'll never forget your kindness.

And you realize what this means, don't you? 

Not only does it mean I have the best support system in the freakin' WORLD, but it means when my Mom gets back from Florida and heads up here to take me to chemo #4, I get to watch her HORROR as I don fruity leggings with a Hogwarts fleece and my Princess Leia wig to be switched out with my Yoda cap for the trip.  Let's not forget my Star Wars chemo quilt that has accompanied me to every infusion. 

Why, yes, I'm an adult. 

As I said this morning ... Cancer journey, my ass.  This is my life journey.  Cancer can fuck off, and drop and roll like the hobo it is from MY train.  Oh, is that a ravine?  Plummet and poof like Wile E. Coyote, mutherf#####!

Yep. Totally an adult.

It's Squishing Time!

A few weeks ago, I realized that I've been neglecting some things in my life.  Beyond the Christmas tree that was never decorated, the Christmas cards that were never sent, and, oh, I don't know, THIS BLOG, I've neglected to get one of the most important yet standard tests a woman can get.

The almighty mammogram.

I can't imagine why. Honestly, who wouldn't want to strip from the waist up, sidle on up to a glass table and allow a stranger to manipulate "the ladies" into perfect positions before slowly lowering another glass slab on top of them, and squeezing until they've flattened out ... much like that marshmallow you squished last summer in between two graham crackers.

You are SO going to think of that the next time you bite into a s'more. 

And you're welcome.

Regardless, my doctor had ordered my usual squish-fest in the fall of 2014 around the time of my yearly physical.  I just never got around to scheduling it.  Oops.

Meh. So what, right?

You see, the thing is, that simple test is often the first indicator a woman will have that something isn't okay with the girls.  The melons.  The fat bags.  The ... eh, I'll leave the many humorous names for the LIFE-SUPPORTING mammary glands to you.  Feel free to comment.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), cancer is the 2nd leading cause of death in women (right behind heart disease).  In 2013, cancer caused 21.5% of female deaths in the U.S.; cancer and heart disease combined caused nearly 44% of female deaths for that year while "unintentional injuries" caused only 3.8%.  But wait ... that's all ages, folks.

When you consider an age range beginning at 35 to 64, cancer reigns supreme as the leading cause of female deaths.  For 55-64 year old females, that percentage reaches 38.3% while heart disease rests in 2nd at 16.6%  Statistics can be frightening. 

Now, perhaps you're more Han-like and don't want to know the odds.  "Never tell me the odds!"

[Seriously, if you haven't seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens yet, stop everything, skip everything EXCEPT your mammogram and go see it. Now.]

The point is that anything you can do to keep yourself from adding to cancer's lead is important.  Finding breast cancer early reduces your risk of dying from the disease by 25-30%.  And mammograms are an important way of doing that.  The American Medical Association (and a whole long list of others) recommend that women begin getting yearly mammograms at the age of 40 (or earlier if you're considered high risk). 

So get to squishing, ladies! 

If you've never had a mammogram before, fear not.  My kidding above aside, the process is relatively quick and relatively painless.  You usually begin in a changing room where you'll be instructed to strip from the waist up and don a glorious wrap top (think hospital gown cut in half).  You'll also be asked to use a handy wipe to remove any deodorant.  Things like deodorant can show up on a mammogram and confuse the results.  The technician conducting the test will show you the machine and answer any questions you have before beginning.  While there is some positioning of body and breast, and your girls will be flattened, I have never found it to be painful.  The tech will position you, ask you to hold your breath, take the mammogram, and then have you relax while checking the image.  This happens several times in order to get as complete a view of each breast as possible.

That's it.  Yet, that little test could literally save your life.

I got mine on New Year's Eve. 

Start 2016 out by doing something simple to protect yourself. 

Get to squishing!